Cause-Effect Example
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Scenario:  Marisol lives in Eastern Pennsylvania, where Lyme disease was
getting out of control. She and a group of concerned neighbors researched the
problem. Then Marisol wrote the following draft of a C-E paper with the
purpose of persuading readers that government officials needed to take action.

Solution in handout:

Many people are not aware that the reason for the rising incidence of Lyme
disease in our community is the use of a new pesticide. Local farmers, fed up
with cleaning up after flocks of starlings that have invaded their barns,
decided to kill the birds using this poison. They disposed of the dead birds
on the manure piles in their back fields. The hawks absorbed the poison
through their intestines and died in great numbers. The scarcity of hawks led
to an explosion in the population of field mice. The incidence of Lyme disease
in the area this spring has reached an all-time high. These field mice often
carry deer ticks into villages and towns.

Problems:

-- It's one big paragraph.
-- It's missing transitions. For example, 
   - There is no transition from "dead birds on the manure pile"
     to "hawks absorbed the poison". 
   - There is no transition from "incidence of Lyme disease in the area
     this spring has reached an all-time high" to "field mice often carry deer
     ticks into villages and towns".
-- There is not a clear chain.

Here is a better essay:

Many people are not aware that the reason for the rising incidence of Lyme
disease in our community is the use of a new pesticide. Local farmers, fed up
with cleaning up after flocks of starlings that have invaded their barns,
decided to kill the birds using this poison. Unfortunately, they then disposed
of the dead birds on the manure piles in their back fields. 

As a result, the hawks had easy access to the poisoned starlings. The hawks
absorbed the poison through their intestines and died in great numbers. The
scarcity of hawks led to an explosion in the population of field mice, a common
prey of hawks. These field mice often carry deer ticks infected with Lyme
disease into villages and towns.

Thus, the incidence of Lyme disease in the area this spring has reached an
all-time high. As you can see, the solution is simple: Farmers must stop using
the new pesticide. County and sate officials must work with farmers to help
them find other ways to deal with the starlings.